And you'd give anything to get what's fair, but fair aint what you really need.

2008-12-24T07:54:00.003+08:00

i've moved.

http://castawayyy.wordpress.com

2008-12-21T19:33:00.024+08:00

i've been feeling very... out of it. very lethargic. i spent half of my sun slping): since friday's night outing w the graduated trackers from skss.. i came home w flu n bad sore throat. wento see doc in the morn n now i'm having a freaking fever. sucks. i hate it, cos i'l lose wt again): ): it means i gonna whack on food after wen i recover. of all times my body chooses to fall ill at this point. arg. ahhhh go away germs, bacteria n all the bad illnesses. i want my year end parties!

i hope i recover quick enough for parties! party people.. yayness!(:

i hv a grudge against a friend.. it stinks. my mind tells me to just release the grudge, cos there's no point feeling all that rage against someone who has no clue. yet.. it's so hard. i shld hv just nipped it in the bud. instead, i let it grow):

*thanks darlie johnson for the home made chrysanthemum. i had 3 glasses alr!(:
*thanks ben for making my sun beautiful. much appreciated. see you soon(:
*thanks terrance for yr concern(:

2008-12-19T04:38:00.031+08:00

johnson crash my house.
we both are suffering from insomnia.
he's next to me.
he's staring at me.
we'r bored.
):

2008-12-18T22:27:00.087+08:00

xiangting, PRETTIEST :)

i've been feeling really really guilty these days. i would rather be sad or angry den to feel guilty. can someone just kill me.... anw,

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY GENESIA!!! :)

*part one and two, we'r talking abt two diff person.
*David- Breathe is Chek Lim btw!

part 1:

David- Breathe says:
wah whoes on ur DP
David- Breathe says:
black colo
David- Breathe says:
damn ham

is this how u decribe the skin colour of a human? HAM??? HAHA

part 2:

David- Breathe says:
she look like cartoon
David- Breathe says:
HAHAHA
zeteng says:
HAHA
David- Breathe says:
hmmm
David- Breathe says:
really
David- Breathe says:
u seee
David- Breathe says:
lol
David- Breathe says:
look like sitch
David- Breathe says:
HAHAHA
zeteng says:
WA.. ure really bad
zeteng says:
but yr type what
zeteng says:
HAHAHAHA
zeteng says:
u full of shit
David- Breathe says:
wait!!!
David- Breathe says:
but
David- Breathe says:
overall
David- Breathe says:
not so bad la
David- Breathe says:
just that
David- Breathe says:
she nd to arrange her eye brown
David- Breathe says:
lol
zeteng says:
arrange?
zeteng says:
what kinda language
David- Breathe says:
nw her eye brown look so fierce
zeteng says:
haahahahaahahahhahahahahahahah
David- Breathe says:
i mean adjust
zeteng says:
ADJUST IS ALSO INCORRECT
zeteng says:
hahahhahahaha
David- Breathe says:
lol
David- Breathe says:
brain generate slow
David- Breathe says:
brain shutting down

*anw, chek lim, after you cropped that photo and sent me, she totally look like sitch.. heh. u alws like to make fun of my friends. somemore on those pretty ones. one skin colour like ham, another look like sitch. i feel so sad for them hahaha :)

this amazing person has a knack for making me laugh non-stop during meet-up and even in msn... i must have really done something good :)

2008-12-17T07:00:00.017+08:00

i went for breakfast with mummy and johnson at 630!!!!!!! (this mad man woke up at 530 to go jogging and asked me to join him.. do you even think il go? HAHA) how early. and i saw my aunty at the coffeeshop. i stunned for a moment.. so coincidental. cos it's so early you see. the 3 of us were laughing the entire time la, lol. i felt like we were playing Uno Stacko, hahaha. all in all, very simple.. and i loved it.

as i sit in the AMK mac, waiting for sam to come and have second round of breakfast before heading to her house. the dude opposite me, with his laptop and other personal belongings strewn all over the place, just left his stuff and upped and left. presumably to be back of course. here we have a breed different from my own. i would at least have asked him to help me jaga my stuff before i walked off. i feel he took advantage of me):

right now, i feel my brain hasn't fully online yet, and i'm in a half-conscious zombie state):

Good Morning!
/9:19am

2008-12-15T02:32:00.018+08:00

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And its true you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Mariah Carey- Bye bye

I'd give the world to have you beside me again.

2008-12-14T22:25:00.029+08:00

13 december
at paris ris park,
a night of regaining back memories from childhood.

maine, r u really that thirsty?

out of e 30 photos taken, this is e nicest?! haha

12 december
screening room lounge

all went HIGH and cRaZY
val,shalom,me,laychival was.. too highmy classmate+teammate

ok, just a short one before i head out for dinner. i had SOOOOOOO much of fun the past few days. ohgosh.. and christmas/new year is coming. i cant wait to party with cool people again. (:

2008-12-12T02:53:00.013+08:00

Had a conversation with sam earlier, and she said something which made me stop and think. She said that in love, like it or not hurt is inevitable. Many times we find ourselves obsessing over who we're hurting if we do this; whether it's fair to yourself if you do that... if you think for yourself you're selfish, but if you think for others, you will be persuaded at some point to "Think for yourself".

Some people might hold the viewpoint that where so called "true love" is concerned, self does not come into the picture because you wouldn't want to hurt your significant other but they are ignoring the fact that conflicts (not in the sense of quarrels but in the sense from many small to bigger things.) yr expectations, punctuality etc.. are an integral part of everyday life, but those having affair, totally ought to be shot.

Also, i'm not talking just about a single romantic relationship between 2 persons. It is a fact that you cannot be romantically involved with everyone because everyone will get hurt, and it is also because you cannot be romantically involved with everyone that someone will eventually be let down/get hurt whether it was your intention or not.

If it's impossible to make sure nobody gets hurt at all even yourself, maybe the only way is to minimise that pain once one foresees even the minutest possibility. However, given the power of human will sometimes even these efforts might be rendered toothless. Even if this solution works, the amount of time you invest to prevent hurting people 'hurts' you indirectly because of the sheer effort it entails that you could have put into developing your own potential.

Conclusion? SOMEONE will get hurt whatever it is. which is as good as no conclusion.

/1:35 pm

2008-12-11T03:20:00.091+08:00

eh.. quite lazy to type how much fun i had this two days, so i shall let the pics do the talking(: this week is a camwhoring week man. anw,

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY CHARMAINE KOH!!! (:

10 december
11boys, 1girl outing(:russell so cute here.chek lim,hiang leonghiang leong

johnson(:

*chek lim, thanks for saying something so sweet to me(: whether you mean it or not, i appreciated it soooooo much. heh.

at paris ris park, live band pub with the girls.rach,desi,sharon,maine maine
my new trademark HAHA
desiree drop yr stuff?

9 december
maine

too full. HAHA darlie toothpaste snap shot.

onto even more mundane things. weather's been quite predictable these days. there're always storms at 3pm thereabouts every day. i love wet days, who don love it right? haha routine and predictability is charming sometimes i guess. cos i can plan my day way before. i don't know what i'm rambling about, i just need to escape from being hurt. TOO random. haha

it's yet another one of those nights where i plan to sleep early completely backfires on me. now, i'm incredibly tired. my eyes are shutting but my brain refused to rest. resistance is futile, so i drifted in and out of my room to get water, i returned each time trying to trick my brain into slumber, without success (obviously). frustrated, i gave up and sat out in the living room. ARG.

i keep on looking.
and i know i shouldn’t.
but i can’t help it.
it just, happens.
i know it’s nothing real.
but i still look.
hais.

2008-12-09T03:33:00.050+08:00

yster i woke up early to meet genesia, meiting and huilee in town. we had pasta for lunch den we sat through K Happy. me and gen tried to sing mariah carey, byebye and leona lewis, bleeding love.. we just couldnt stop laughing at ourselves. how silly. totally couldnt catch up with the line. i love singing duet with LIM MEI TING, cos her voice damn ZHAI lo. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. super hilarious la. den we dined at ding tai fung. gosh. i love the food there. 5 stars. heh. it was really fantastic to see them!(:

i met up with my dear ben and bryan for a chill out session at Cafe Iguana. i tell you, is a killer. i died. so was ben and bryan haha. somemore, someone drove. their choices of drinks is WOWW.. you probably will take a million years to decide. we ordered their house margarita, sour shot, ¡muy picante(shot). OHMYGOSH. it was so freaking spicy! my stomach churned and burned, while tears escaped from behind the lids of my eyes, screaming it’s way out into the atmosphere, as though my insides were too fired up to keep anything moist. my throat died. my brain stopped for a moment. this is my last time. i will never want to try this again. not unless i want to throw myself into that fiery pit of habanero chiles in tequila.

my fav people(: huilee,meiting
meiting,genesia

wheres shuzhen?

2008-12-07T03:27:00.051+08:00

wento ikea with mum and sis yster. ohmygosh. damn crowded. is like as tho all items is FOC. haha. anw, the chicken wing at the so called resturant was really GOOD. very juicy, not oily, cheap. definitely worth eating. go and try if u're there. (:

at night, i met ben and bryan at holland v for dinner. it's always shocking how comfortable/happy/stress free i can be just being with the two of them. i guess 5 years of friendship counts for something!(: i arrived earlier than expected and expectedly, i was flustering over the fact that in fact, i would be the one to keep the other waiting, but.. actually i was early. 40 mins early in fact! haha. after dinner we went over to marina for bowling. man.. the sound of pins falling and bowling balls whirring by, brings back memories and a real sweet feeling. and i rem someone fell down hard right after the foul line. HAHAHAHA. but i cant rem who. so sad. LIM MEI TING, isit you? haha

outside powerhouse.
yes shereen, i'm wearing a helmet. hahaha
maple,kit,ru hui the brave girl(:
shereen name her ru hua. so rude. but funny la. haha
my crap hair. alicia, hotness in tis pic. retro girl on the right. haha
shereen,alicia(:

wento powerhouse on fri and i totally hate it. the crowd was so... for lack of a better word, 'off'. there were zero familiar faces, house music somemore and because of that, the feel was all off. there were "don club too often" crowd, "naive looking" crowd, 'uncles aunties' crowd and of course the 'spew over from phuture' crowd. so we went over to butter factory. ok, don talk abt it. anw, was really fun just being with the girls. (: (:

goodnight all(:

2008-12-04T00:29:00.022+08:00

break dance. damn good.

it's 12:40am now and i cant slp, yet again. bubble(milk tea), i cant resist the temptation and right now i'm paying the price of staying awake. i bet cousin edwin is going to kill me after seeing this. i wonder how m i going to wake later early in th e morn for basketball.

been reflecting and reflecting alot today, i would love to pen down it here but well, i guess some thoughts are meant to be private. alot of things to improve on, be it personality, thinking etc. generally, life it's simply unpredictable. you might be high up and in another min you might fall straight down.

growing up, it's not as easy as i thought. when you grow up, alot of things will eventually fall on your back. decisions to make, choices to make, problems start coming in, stress, AGING. whatever it is, i'm going to make my second attempt at slp already.

changes, it's not easy to adapt either.

goodnight johnson.
goodnight cucumber yuhuan.
goodnight all.

2008-12-03T04:02:00.019+08:00

An early morning ramblings.

I'm up at this unearthly hour at 4:02 am and i cant seem t fall aslp. ): fuzzy mind, entangled thoughts, it's killing me.

i hope my brain attempt suicide now, but instead, my heart just, stopped. and the more flasback scene, my jaw will just dislocate, cos it cant get any lower. my perfect world is shattering.

you probably might think i'm weak. yes, im. very. i'm learning to be STRONG! but tis will take quite a while.

i'm at sam's house but shes slping and shes ignoring me. haha. johnson stay up till now to keep me company. even tho i know hes really tired. how nice to have a friend like him 24/7. wen i'm abt to fall, hes alws behide holding on me and making sure i don fall. (: (:

life is like a suitcase, you need to know when to hold on and when to let go. make sense? life is like a mirror, you need to constantly reflect. hmm.. what a random post.

i'm gonna hit the sack. goodnight.

2008-12-01T22:47:00.004+08:00

i miss you..
somehow.
i dreamt of you,
whilst in my sub-consciousness.
it was odd,
and when i awoke,
there you were,
gently calling me,
to acknowledge your presence.
surreal,
i would say.
but nonetheless,
a memory,
that i wish to hold in my heart..
until i am certain.

2008-11-30T05:24:00.101+08:00

I AM....

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

HAPPY (:(:

jiahong(:

after 10 years, TEN!!!!!! and i found my long lost frien. ohme ohmy. before the renovation at serangoon, yr family secretly moved house w/o letting anyone know where yr family gone to. ): all these while i tot you went back Taiwan cos ure half taiwanese and yr dad stays in Taiwan too. oh gosh. time flies, really fast. i still rem wen you knocked on my window to wake me up for breakfast during weekends and holiday, we played basketball every single day and the stupidiest thing i ever done with you, was to place an egg on the floor at the basketball court and wait for the egg to be cooked, cos of the heatstroke weather. heh. althought we know is impossible but we still did it. haha. cant blame me, cos i was only 10 at tat time. (:

just came back from breakfast with dad and aunties.. i had ONLY 2 eggs and a cup of coffee and i feel like vomitting now.. WHY? usually my stomach can hold another bowl of fishball noodle and a packet of nasi lemak. sound scary ah. ha.

yesterday ben, mich and me visited a place mentioned by sam, for their delicious seafood (especially known for it's crabs) and so we headed down to Defu Lane. the place look very nice and the items on the menu definitely very appealing.

we ordered brocolli with scallops, baby back ribs in honey pepper sauce, homemade doufu and saving the best for last is the signature butter crabs, served with delectable deep fried man tous to mop up the gravy. so good that you can eat it on it's own.

overall, the butter crab was very fresh and yummy, so was the brocolli with scallops, but the service is really very bad. it's a pity that the service can really drive you up the wall. there was a mix up over reservation, and we only managed to get a table after 25mins, next.. i asked the lady to bring me a drink, she took forever even after reminding her for two times. the price does not make up for the bad service even though the food is good.

/9:31 am

2008-11-28T00:21:00.008+08:00

i just came back from supper with johnson and his friends. after witnessing an incident with one of my friend's friend, it really made an impression on me. how a teenager is capable of such angst, violence, rage... betrayal, sadness and confusion.. and the vital importance of family and friends. we take for granted their critical roles.. instead, lashing at them, causing them worry and suffering all for the sake of one's selfish thoughts and indulgence.

goodnight johnson, goodnight all(: /12:09 am

2008-11-27T01:20:00.008+08:00

crashed sam's house last night. cos we'r supposed to watch some hong kong drama. and so we can dwell in sweetness tgt. hahaha. but ended up watching tv cos if drama means we'l slp superrrrrrrr late. and we felt a lil tired tho. she fed me alot of snacks, ALOT. but i prefer pizza. HAHA. ok shut up zeteng!

weehong is full of nonsense and yuen feng is a pushover, is nice to bash verbally, is so gullible, yuen feng? just get her to do whatever, take full advantage of her. hahahaha. coach like yuen feng cos she smileeeee NON-STOP!!! i wonder why! heh.

sometimes, it’s just thinking.
this thinking is solely on my part, solely on what i wanted.
i know you don’t, or at least i think so. because that’s just the way it is.
and it was confirmed by the involved too.
there’s always someone who gives, and someone who takes.
and now i willingly want to share my time, but it doesn’t seem to get through.
i need to quickly avoid these thoughts of disappointment.
right now.

2008-11-26T00:33:00.012+08:00

johnson's mum make dumplings yster, and asked me over to try. heh. his mum specially make two with just mushroom and salted egg inside, cos she know i loveeeee it. heh. feeling sooooooo happy. (: (: i ate 3, cos is so yummmmy.. feeling all full now haha. taste better than those they sell at shopping centres.

anw, thanks sebastian, weehong, ah ben and johnson. really! in running, they never give up on me, NEVER! even when i alws complain tt i'm feeling quite lack of motivation, but they are there to remind and nag at me. especially sebastian. i really really appreciated it. (:

steer clear? or bring yourself closer? hmmm.

the closer we are to something, the more it hurts. and the more we try to move away, the more difficult it gets. i've tried time and again to constantly remember that nothing is infinite. that nothing will ever be how you want it to be, no matter how perfect it once was. that things will eventually change, and we will somehow find ourselves stranded should we choose to back away, or even to carry on. im not quite sure on how to restrain myself. to stop thinking and pull back, just so to see things from a different perspective. what others see could very well be the truth, or are we the puppets that make things seem the way they are? do we manipulate the scenario and create unrealistic conclusions that deem beneficial to our wants, or are things plainly the way they seem? hmmm.. i have a feeling you may not understand, and there are times when i dont either. i just want to stop thinking about everything.. for now.

goodnight /12:22 am

2008-11-24T08:52:00.008+08:00

am feeling absolutely bored now. really. it is rather annoying mundane at this time in the morning. and i dono what to do. hmm. i feel like.. having a cup of chinese tea and dim sum. yes! food makes me happy (:

well, was thinking about people, and how i cant stand those who get all touchy and look like they’re gonna screw each other at any moment now. like, yucks. i was on the train with sam on fri and there was this one couple who were hugging and touching and kissing and YUCK. i almost died just looking at them.

it made me think about how some people are just so rude. like, if you’re with a group of friends, it’s okay to stick to your girlfriend or boyfriend. but if there’s just one other person with you, omg, please, be considerate. your friend is there, don’t leave him or her out. stop clinging and sticking like eeky smelly glue. err..

i shall, pause, here.

2008-11-20T12:22:00.025+08:00

yesterday went shopping with Ben at bugis. it's been damn long since i last shop. i mean really walk non-stop for three hours. we had alot for lunch.. ALOT. sushi, kunya.. i mean YAKUN.. haha. we bought the same slipper(: den we walked towards the OG. you know those shops outside OG, and i saw this penguin game. i had one wen i was a kid. it brought back memories, so i bought it.. haha. i ever noticed that the black penguin always goes faster than all the other penguins? haha. the 3 penguins climb the stairs and then slide down the track, only to do it all over again and again and again... it's playful, it's penguins, it's a race? well maybe not a race, but i alws placed the penguins all closed tgt so they can chased each other.. but hahaha. tt was last time. show you a video of tt ltr.. so cuteeeeee! haha

as we walked past the temple den again i reflect on stuff, despite the fact that it mean we’re moving closer to our imminent death. but that’s life.. full of unexpectedness and uncertainty.

after tt we took a cab to meet michelle. ha. i tink the cab driver abit SIAO. kept talking NON-STOP. somemore really bad things abt life.. he said something like.. wad is cert for? why study so much? it's unless.. den he asked for my personal view.. obviously i said cert damn important la.. if not how you get a good job and live beta. and he said.. NO. you don need cert to earn alot of money.. and YES i do agree, but how many people in this world can really make alot of money using their business kind of mind instead of knowledge. i don mean don have, but in wadeva job ure in, you definitely need some knowledge wad right.. Ben started to get irritated.. den he asked uncle, so did you study last time? den uncle replied, yes i did.. and Ben goes.. AH, den? i tot you don need cert. HAHAHAHA.. BEN ROCKS!!!! and uncle kept quiet. heh.

3 mins later...

the cab driver asked.. why is the professional lecturer has bank overdraft, whereas char kway teow man has bank balance.. obviously i know wad he mean.. but there isnt any link..

his ans was: for example, professional lecturer gets 10k a month and he wanto buy a house cost a few hundreds thousands.. and he need to pay by installment, but the 10 stalls owner of the char kway teow man get to buy the house using cash.. Ben super pissed off and ask the uncle to be char kway teow man instead of taxi driver.. haha. good one Ben. but seriously, tt char kway teow man, he got the recipe what.. of cos earn big money la.. you cant judge everybody based on one succes la. wad nonsense la the uncle.

penguins game

oh wells. i have this compulsive urge to type and type and have a super elongated post about someone but before i delve into the details of someone, there’s this huge warning alarm ringing in my head telling not to dive deep, because of those who read my journal. i wonder if people just skim by or if they do read what i type. i mean, this journal doesn’t really have anything insightful. it’s all just feeling, emotion, and code. there are times when i try to decipher what i had posted, i realised i understood not. like, so silly aye. heh.

ok take a look at this website, it's damn inspiring. http://www.thedreamsmovie.com/

2008-11-15T01:02:00.140+08:00

I did some reflection today.

There was a time when close friends drifted from me due to my busy schedule, TRNG! And I felt like I was stranded.... and I hated it.

There was a time when I loved someone, that I was sad that I had actually fallen in deep and all that you left me with, was doubts... and I hated it.

There was a time when people started going places, and i didnt.... and I hated it.

I always living in my own fantasy of wad if.. so many wad if. I always have those hallucinations.. how beautiful. Anw, I guess there are many things that I don like to change, and yet, the need for change is ineluctable. The changes make me stronger as an individual

to my family and mrs tioh(coach). you are the people who have molded me. you are the ones who have always been there, guiding me, and making me who i am. Although i always make mistakes again and again but you guys never fail to give up on me. zeteng is not zeteng without you guys. well, there wouldn’t be enough space for me to go on and on about how i feel about you all, so i shall cease with a simple, yet heartfelt, i love you. (:

the teammates. yanlin, siaomei, amanda. you guys made me realise what it means to go through those hard times tgt. the waking up early to be under the hot sun and yet got scolded w/o a reason. what it means to be disciplined, and what it means to be friends and yet enemy on track fighting for 100m. the times we fought for our rights to go for sea games. the memorable moments when we broke the record. that no matter how far apart and busy we are, i'l never forget the three of you. i hold you three close to my heart alws. (:

the best of the best. johnson. a true 24/7 frien, nv fail to listen to me nag WHOLE DAY. thank you for being supportive, tolerating my super serious, and sometimes aggressive tone. i appreciate you not arguing back even wen i'm in the wrong haha. it goes to show how gentlemanly you can be. no matter how i look at you, you don look like 21, instead 28? overgrown? haha. ok you can now ARGUE BACK! hahaha but i know you wont. and i seriously dono how the hell yr bank account got SO MUCH MONEY wen ya still studying. i cant tink of any time wen i needed you and u're not there. (: ohman, i've known you for 8 damn years. it's freaking fast how time past.. i still rem those times tgt, and i rem ever once we sneaked out of the country to malaysia for 3 days w/o letting our parents know, and our reason given was camp. YAH RIGHT. haha. we were only 15 at that time! haha. (put in small front, in case my sis read my blog. like as tho she cant enlarge haha) i love you to the max. <3

ben, bryan, mich. the three of you are just, AWESOME. we have laughed, sang, screamed, slept, gone crazy, escaped to another country, cos we'r escapist haha, and also shared with each other. i love and i definitely WILL NOT FORGET THE FORFEIT.. it was freaking crazy and i almost died for overdosing of alcohol. whacked 1 full glass of red wine in a few seconds, and it's damn bitter drinking it so fast and i tink i finished almost a bottle all by myself tt day, scary. haha. ben is one idiot wen comes to drinking, haha. ben treat me like a mother. i love you lah, my 24 yrs old boy. me and mel love you loads since you lack of love hahaha. continue to play music for me please! (: and thank you for sharing your life with me; for letting me see the weaker side of you, for trusting in me to not divulge your secrets, for allowing me to find comfort with some who understands how i feel, for being the fun-loving, outgoing, crazy person that you are. we shall continue to be supers. (:

charmaine. i thank you that you have to listen to me nag and complain abt my life tho i know you get bored and tired but you nv complain, instead you say you wanna change table): hahaha. i alws enjoy my sat night with you. you are the ULTIMATE. no words on this blog can express how important you are to me. haha you know it, and i know it. thats all that matters. OBASAN/OCHISAN!!! <3

sharon. eh, dono wad to say but sorry for me being so selfish, i’ve known you for so long, and yet just one prob and it caused us to drifted really badly. I feel extremely bad when i tink back. honestly, im just really thankful to God for sending me, you. thank you for the supper/the company to see doc/hangout and the great support in track. thank you for the lovely person that you are. <3

the kakis, huilee, shuzhen, genesia, meiting. i missed being in ite, only because of you people. and i'm so glad to have found you guys. (: really. grouping with you guys during assignments, had helped me develop my work ability. haha.. those crazy days with charmaine ashley OHMY.. the coconut bro and coconut sis? all the drawings on the table, PLAYED BADMINTON IN AND OUTSIDE CLASS EVEN WEN THERE IS TCHER , sneaking out of class to go canteen/home, one word to describe.. AMAZING!!! hahaha. and not to mention our ability to bullshit random ideas to disturbed mr fong, and two other lecturer i cant rem.. heh. (:

mel the hot babe. i seriously thank you for everything you do to make me smile even though ure not sin, but tt doesnt mean we drift, we webcam, we msg to keep in contact. thanks so much for the postcard and pressie(: i didnt know you know my full add and i was shocked to received the gifts. you nv fail to remind me that life is like a rollar coaster. yes it is, a non-stop three-sixty ride haha. i feel like hugging you now. mel you just rox. (:

oh man.. i realised ive got too many to mention.. ok.. a few more..

the gorgeouses. xiangting, huanx, fenz, tingz, val. i’d say i’m thankful for you bunch of babes who have made catching up a wonderful thing to do. i started clubbing cos of you guys haha. though we’re all going to different places (like, real far away), i know i can still count on you all for a good gathering. xiangting, i totally missed those times in year 1. (: ohman. like i see you everyday and shared everything, how beautiful it used to be. i still rem the first day of ite life. me, you and val.. trying out our new uniform.. HAHA. huanx, thank you for sharing yr love life with me and you inspired me so much. you're damn smart btw! haha.. goooooo far! (:

jamie. you rock! haha.. time passes damn fast and we msg for continuously 4 yrs w/o going out but only see you at trng. thanks for sharing with me yr secrets and let me have the chance to give you advise. <3

shereen, alicia, terrance, vanessa. i do enjoy the time spend tgt with you guys, especially clubbing. and terr definitely go crazy wen he gets drunk. i mean REALY CRAZY hahaha. shereen, thanks for sharing with me yr life. and i thank you for the support in track and nv fail to msg me wen i'm away for competitons. i do appreciated it so much. i dono why! when i tink of you, i just feel like crying but anw, thank you! i love you. (:

to aut classmates, guo pei, bernice, khai leng, dipna. i thank you for the help in projects and helping me to keep set of notes for me when i'm not in class. (:

This was an uber long shout out. actually got many many more people more i wanna thank, and oh my gosh, i dont think i’ve typed so much in an entry before. but i still consider this short, cos there are just too many things about these people to be written (: and i cant possibly do it all here or my fingers might just break. alright, i absolutely need to get some sleep soon, i should get my eyeshut now instead, lest i die of lack of sleep. haha. i'm off. goodnight.

2008-11-14T06:01:00.033+08:00

I don’t want to feel like I need to.

I don’t want to feel like I want to.

I don’t want to feel like I have to.

I just wish I didn’t.

I really crave for my angel to guide me now.. I'm losing my way.

Ne-Yo -Because Of You Piano Cover By David Sides.

He's one of the bests. His way of playing, he perfectly pushes on every key, in perfect rhythm. I like the way he knock the chair to get tempo and start to play on beat. Definitely beyond awesome.

Here's another good one..

Rihanna -Take A Bow Piano Cover By David Sides.

The second video seems so passionate and absolutely full of romance. It's enchanting, very lovely. Incredibly gifted. It just sounds so amazing, I could sit and listen to him play all day. I love all his videos. Beautiful(:

Ohmygod, he has got 40 million total views from fans around the world, and his volume 1 CD are already OUT OF ORDER. SO FAST!!! Volume 2 will be out soon!

2008-11-13T02:45:00.022+08:00

they flashed across my mind, ppl I once loved so much.
I still love(: you good great here. pls be a model!
shes ultra smart(:

I was disappointed. Not once, not twice, but three times.

It is rather scary knowing that these disappointments have left me fervently holding on that hope of expectation. I shared with a few others, that I would rather not have expectations whatsoever on that issue, lest I be damaged by the lack of expectation. And yet, I have failed to stand by what I want, and let myself hope.

What I absolutely could not stand was when you brought in the past just to lecture me on how I should live my life. If you knew me well enough, you would know I'm doing what I can to make my life better than it was before. And its with this incident and steer me away from all hope and expectation.

I thank you for your concern, but cant you see I'm trying? ARG

Anw, I was looking thru Upfront Models online and I saw PAUL TAN. haha. how cool

2008-11-12T03:43:00.014+08:00

I am still awake because I drank abit too much coffee just now with Johnson and Ben at starbucks. I tot only tea will make me awake, usually i'm fine with coffee. Damn it, now im wide awake like an owl except no mice to catch. After all this while of assuming that I'm immune against the side effects of coffee, I have finally been proven otherwise. Now I pay the price of staying awake as much as I want to drift into sleep. ARG

Okay dear Ben, your braces rocks! Wahahahaha.. you know why! Finally got to see him with his freaking braces on and got to admit, he looks goOooOood!! Hahaha, even Johnson says so.

What is love?

Love is equal to poison. It slowly seeps into your body like one being unknown. It conquering your body, mind. Causing emotional upheaval."It is like everything shattered, like beads falling from a broken necklace." Good analogy. ha

Or?

Love may be sweet, like the way the honey is to the bee. Love spreads throughout your entire body. Love breaks down all defenses, bit by bit.

So what is love? Is it a negetive or a positive thing? Or is it a little of both? I think it is a little of both. Like life, love is not complete without the roller coaster ride of ups and downs.

I've got trng at 830 and now is 435):
Ok good night, im going to make another attempt at slping. Ohya,

GOOD LUCK to those who is gg to ASEAN UNIVERSITY GAMES.. All the way SIAO MEI, AMANDA and KUNYA!!!(:

2008-11-09T02:02:00.050+08:00

7/11
Who go to sentosa at 4PM? And some even came at 530!!!! haha

umbrella? HAHA, the weather was indeed really hot .

someone's body damn HOT!!!! who? hmm..

2/11, Yuling's bdae
21 seems a lil scary, 20 forever? hahaha

Idiots shall always be idiots. Assholes will always be assholes and the leopard will always never change its spots. It's the same as how unpleasant memories shall always somehow seep back into the unconscious mind and affect one's emotions.

I'm feeling somewhat confused by someone. I don't know why since the coming end of this year, my life has been very unfortunate. In the way no matter how much effort I put in, something went wrong somewhere and I don't know why. I feel like I'm faltering between the crossroads of life. I feel really confused and somehow lost. It's all been going so wrong and really frustrating for me. The problem obviously lies with me and maybe not only me. But I don't know what I should work on. I just don't know where to start searching but I know it's time to overcome it.

Maybe I just hate the fact that I keep getting setbacks. I just feel that it is unfair to always get setbacks whereas other people are so privilege as to experience a pretty much smooth life. But really, would it be too much to ask to have a smooth life once in a while? I mean ONCE IN A WHILE. ARG

2008-11-07T01:10:00.056+08:00

Very Scandalous.

There is a possible Love Rectangle(sound beta den square). Oh me, oh my. RECTANGLE!!!! Can you imagine? gosh. Give me sometime to gasp, gape, drink in all the sweet gossip hahaha. But really, do we have the time to care about it? Apparently as human beings, YES WE DO. Who does who, who betrays who, who backstabs who.. hmm.. the juicy details. In the end.. it all comes down to one thing. Whose side do you choose to take? Remain neutral? Judge them? Forsake them? Believe the rumours? Ultimately, it all comes down to "So what do you think?" or "What do I do?" You know that if you give the answer, it might come out right or wrong. Give a Gray area answer, who knows? Somehow it might end up Black or White. Such is the sad dramedy called Life. The only thing we can do is to sit, wait and watch the show before the curtains close with you, the audience either giving a standing ovation or leaving feeling cheated. Ok i shall not go into further details.

Suddenly, a sense of doom encumbers me):

Eh sharon, some pt of yr recent post like directly talking bout me haha..

Lost control? Lost control means commit suicide leh. haha. hmm.. who don get panic or depressed right? I don mean those in really major depression. Shld you say one ability to handle is not as good as urs? haha. just joking. I tink you gonna bash me up wen you see me. Or erm.. shld we say it is how one view optimistic as? These feelings are normal, especially during the teen years.(ok tho im not teen anymore). Even when minor disappointments and setbacks make people feel sad or angry and lead to one being depressed. Whether one is down with a panic stituation or having to be depressed over certain stuff, i guess its totally alrights. The negative feelings usually lessen wen time goes by. You cannot change or control your emotions. But, you can slowly learn to live peacefully with it, transmuting it and you can manage it, but you cannot control them by forcing yrself to dump it all away as quickly as you want. Eh, i dono, maybe some ppl can really control wads inside? I guess it is just one easy statement. But seriously how many can really do it w/o time? And wad happen if one meet with unforeseen circumstances and create huge impact.. can we control? Erm.. we all still need the screaming and crying to take it out on those around us. It’s extremely hard to control the feelings. Sometime we might have try to suppress on or control, but later on we end up to be in depression.. hahaha.. ok i dono wad im typing alr, i beta stop.

2008-11-05T01:22:00.092+08:00

I miss yanx mummy, i miss mel.. please come back soon!(: (:

yanx mummy,
I misses those dance moves for Taweesak.

The month that just passed has proven to be one of those not-so-fantastic weeks ever this entire 2008. The feelings i had, and the situations that have transpired has left me feeling rather low and relatively upset. Although i have to face all these shit, but Mel nv fail to remind me that, "life is like a rollar coaster." (:

Sometimes i tink im really really dumb. I need to learn to stop anticipating, stop hoping and stop expecting, lest i be disappointed. It is better not to wish for the stars, but rather, sulk in the rain. At least the rain may have surprising elements that can make things better than it seems.

I think i’m taking on too much just thinking about everything that is going on in my life. And so, i’ve decided the leave it in God’s hands, and pray that things will go the way it’s meant to be. The things i’ve said and done, i definitely do not regret, for i know that it was definitely for the better for others. And my dear Bryan, it's time to learn to take things as it comes. I'm sure is definitely her lost. There’s no point in thinking and trying to salvage the situation, but instead, i shall just lepak for now, like i always do. If i sound contradicting to you, it means, i'm typing w/o thinking, therefore ignore me haha.

Yesterday supposed to go swimming with the boys(sound weird if i call them MEN haha), but suddenly it rained so heavily, instead we all had to stay home): Unpredictable weather and it will continue for the next few weeks. What a damn holiday wen everyone else is having school.

During conferencing with the boys, tis topic arose, which i tink its quite funny how they answered. I cant rem all, but these are some of them..

JOHNSON'S THEORY:
Love is a free gift from god

Love is romance
Love is respect
Love is listening
Love is trust
Love is patient

BRYAN'S THEORY:
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Love is you walk out of her house, she slams the door at you. (HAHAHAHA)
Love is spending alot of money on good food but wen she happen to put on weight, she blame you. (HAHA)
Love is if you want your girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, you talk in your sleep. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
Love is if you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.
Love is when man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

I cant believe it. Bryan, ure really really FUNNY!!!!! HAHAHAHA

2008-11-02T16:51:00.015+08:00

I've been wallowing in so much negativity to the extent i dont know what to do about it. No matter how i suppress on, its useless. Even if i look at the bright side of it, but den it strikes to me that its not easy and there are so many obstacles in play. For a moment i chose to see my life as mundane, and meaningless. And all this while, i thought no one could feel more shit than me. It even hit the point whereby i thought i was on the brink of depression.(alws in bio/anatomy!) Not that i cant take up mistakes or making the wrong choices but you know its TOO HEAVY! But now i see, i can choose to make everything worthwhile, a lesson learnt. All it takes is just some optimism and a good frien to give you advise(: After all, life is like a rollar coaster.

HANG IN GUYS!

I think i need to make blog happier.

2008-10-31T01:20:00.033+08:00

31 Oct, Halloween Partying.

Ben suggested to go over to Zouk to see ppl with different themes. Johnson and Bryan UNCLE tagged along. (why bryan UNCLE? reason: a lil boy INSISTED to call him UNCLE and CLAIMED tt hes 30!!!!!! wen hes only 23. HAHA.. how sad!)

Hot Fav: Animals, Cartoon Characters, Occupations, SCARY CHARACTERS. Some went in a grp with the same link theme, some dressed in Aninals (rabbit, giraffe,etc..), one dressed like a Pregnant MAN????????? wad a theme, some dressed in Scary characters (dead school girls/boys, dead surgeons, dead bride, ghost(I tink Yanx mummy can take up tis role quite well.. hahaha), vampires, chinese zombies- I felt it was a weird way, authentically Asian.

Johnson said: wad if really theres ghosts ard in e club, can u figure out which is which? SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA

We didnt get in, but just to experience the ghostly and werid night for a moment. And we didn't wanto scare ourselves off further more haha.

I absolutely fancy spending time with those three, they make me realised the beauty of true friendships. The wonders of bonding. How beautiful it is to see it all blossoming, and growing into a rose of truth, that binds us all tgt. haha, They make a splendid party, and im just exhilarated to have them in my life. I looove YOUs!

Anw, whining to Ben is so entertaining. He like totally gets frustrated like a father who just wants to strangle his kid. hahahahaha

and i like WAFFLES.
more please!

There are times in life when we have to just forget all about it and move on, but its so damn tough. You thought you knew it meant something, but then something else unravels and you feel so stranded. How are you to get out of it even though it hurts in any circumstances? How are you to stop these feelings even when you know it isnt possible or rather difficult? How do you stop yourself from reacting? The fact is, you cant. Its human nature, and how the hell can you fight that? you can never.. gosh, im just a bit taken aback. Heavy hearts, some might say. But what are we to do?

I really don't know. ):

2008-10-29T02:12:00.021+08:00

): Sometimes i feel is such a drag to go for trng. Not tt im losing passion or what, but.. can u imagine trng alone? or sometimes w the secondary guys.. tho the standard is quite the same, but.. days wen I hv to train alone is all my DETERMINATION. Especially trackers. It is not just abt trng, you need to worry abt yr slping time, yr proper meals, yr massage/physio. So much to worry abt. IS NOT EASY.

Recently I'm so super unfit. No. not tt I slp late. Usually I slp before 12. I need to cut down my slping time to a max of 8hours. Now I can easily slp up to 12hrs w/o waking up): ): I MISS MY TEAMMATES!!!!! hais.

I do appreciate ppl ard me tt help me in track and everything. The encouraging words, the PUSHING, the praise. Seriously w/o them. I woud probably be a road sweeper or something. Thanks to Mrs Tioh(my coach), she NEVER give up on me, even tho sometimes i wanna give up on myself. Johnson the 24hours frien who nv fail to encourage me. My family, for the great support. Thanks so much. I'l continue to train. I promsied.

The people.
The hidden romances.
The act of taking someone for granted.
We find it oh-so-amusing, despite its effects.
But hey, thats life.
So many ups and downs.
We need to live with the fact that things will never be what we conjure it up to be, neither will it flow smoothly. For this is life. And life, is lke a rollar coaster.
We want to find a place, where we belong.
Cheesy as this may sound, it is something that we really want.

But we often pray for.. a place,
Where we can speak our mind,
Where we can sing all we want,
Where we will jump around and have people jumping with us,
Where we will do weird things without a worry.
Where we r not afraid to share how we feel,
Where we r comfortable,
Where we know we'r not being judged,
Where we know we'r not alone.

Such a strewed semester, a strewed month, everything in a messed, added up to have turbulent mood swings. mel how!!!!!!

2008-10-27T04:19:00.043+08:00

Long post.

It has been absolutely crazy these few days, 3 days str at gardens. I've been eating ravenously. It's TERRIBLE. And all this going out.. my wallet gets thinner and flatter, haha.

Last thur- I met Ben, Mich and Bryan in gardens for dinner at chomp2. These foodhunt people are a crazy, we really eat our hearts out! I couldn't stop laughing, My jaws are still very sore. After which we head to ice-cube.. the waffle was FABULOUS.

Last fri- Again, I met up with Ben in gardens, we had sushi tei for lunch. Went home.. Slept the whole afternn.. was really tired. I hate trng in the morn. Evening time met up with Johnson, AGAIN BEN, Mich and Jiahui. Johnson drove us up to Johor for seafood. It was WAHHHHH.. cos the bill cost a BOMB.. I tink the person serving us got real shocked.. as those is FOC. Man.. we were really up to so much nonsense, wahahahaha( Weird smiles and all those names! Lovin' it all(:

Last sat- Wakeboard with Johnson and his friends at east coast. It was so FUNNNNNN! Seeing them do the backroll, 180degree WOWWW. I did improved from the previous time ok. I met Genesia, Huilee, Shuzhen and Meiting for dinner at CHOMP2. After tt we head over to ice-cube for their waffle(is a routine man.. chomp2+ice-cube=gardens) haha. I would strongly recommend their waffle.. I tink I probably can eat 5 of tt.. After tt wen i reached home.. Sharon and me decided to go over to GARDENS to chill out. Gosh.. I'm kinda scared to go gardens alr. haha. Met her at 1030.. ate a lil over at chomp2 for supper, went over to liquid kitchen for wine.. after tt we went to this place(cant rem the name of the place) their ice-cream sucks. They served me with melted ice-cream):

Last sun- Went jogging with my dad at 530AM!!!! Jogged with my eyes half closed hahaha. I realised that I'm at a complete loss when it comes to activies in the morn. My legs just refused to move fast): I met up with Sam to chill at demsey. We ate yummy finger food and my fav red wine at Quaruba’r. The jokes, the laughters, the pigging out, the desserts! Gosh. I love your company. You make me glad tt i did not spend such a day slping. It was indeed a very special night(:

I was hearing the song bye3 on radio.. den the memory stick kicks in. Sec 1, ohmygod. I joined my DANCE CLASS with Lintai and Weixiang. GOSH. Stone can dance? hahaha. erm.. dancing helps to take things off my minds and focus on steps, on groove. By dance, I mean those by lessons where pressure is added to complete the dance as expected from your instructor.(my instructor LINTAI) sadistic as it sounds, i added stress to myself in other aspects to take away from the original one.. or even without instructors, it helps you to take away the stress by focusing on the music. I miss LOH JIAMIN'S char kway teow moves(:

This gonna be random.

The feelings makes one feel so vulnerable, so irrational. Sometimes one wish not to acknowledge it, dismiss it or even neglect it. Yet to face it is so courageous, so brave.

Patience, or shld it be referred to as determination? To walk the extra mile, to wait and to cheer. The reason given that another brings a smile, hence the desire. The honey words. How will one know that they are not? The respect, the sacrifice, the guarantees. How will one know they are truths? So what makes one carry on with love?

2008-10-22T00:33:00.030+08:00

รักสามเศร้า -พริกไทย

นับจากวันนั้น วันที่เธอทิ้ง
ฉันต้องยอมรับความจริง แม้ว่ามันไม่ง่ายเลย
นับจากวันนั้น ฉันก็เจอเค้า
เค้าที่คอยเช็ดน้ำตา คอยดูแลไม่ห่าง
อย่าร้อง เค้าบอกกับฉันว่าอย่าร้อง
มีเค้าทั้งคนจะคอย อยู่ข้างฉัน
และแล้วและเราทั้งสองก็ได้คบ และไปด้วยดีทำไม
เธอกลับมา เอาตอนนี้
คนหนึ่งเค้าช่างดีกับฉัน จะทิ้งเค้าลงยังไง
คนหนึ่งเคยทิ้งไป แต่รักไม่เคยจางหาย
ฉันไม่ใช่เจ้าหญิงจากไหน ก็คงต้องเลือกสักทาง
ทางที่รักสามเศร้าต้องจบ
นับจากวันนี้ ฉันต้องเข้มแข็ง
ระหว่างคนที่รักเรา หรือว่ารักครั้งก่อน

Yesterday was memorable(: meet Mich and Johnson first.. den we head to town to meet Ben's friends tgt for dinner. We ate at PS.. had many many pizza. My jaws are still aching from then but i feel absolutely comfortable in our conversations and laughter and what really tugged my heart, was that Ben's friends, they actually remembered me. I was very impressed. After so so so long.. and that despite the large age gap, we were able to talk with such ease.

After which we head to esplanade to give Ben a surprise. He had guitar performance there.. he's the GUITAR HERO!!! haha.. i must say, the night was the highlight.

Then suddenly i heard someone shouted my name so loudly.. it was LUKER!!!!!!!!!!! My gosh.. for some reason, I alws exclaim or laugh out loud when i see him =P hahaha what to do.. corny as it sounds.. seeing his face does bring me much joy(:

I was quite anxious at first.. this anxiety evaporated as we had much fun talking and queuing for a place there. Ben is such a alcoholic k(*mel pls control him haha) he drank so much tt he couldn't even drive home.. and Johnson had to fetch him back.. feels like gay wen u see how Johnson carried Ben hahahaha.. cant stop laughing.. two muscular guys gay-ing haha. It's really fun to be with this grp of friends.. i truly enjoy alws(: (: Anw, thanks Johnson for sending all of us back.. and i know ul slp in class ltr! haha

I WANNA GO THAILAND AND VISIT KUNYA & YANX MUMMY!!!!): ):

Ben you wanna go w me? Since you having holi too.. haha

2008-10-20T14:44:00.010+08:00

I'm scared.. n it leads me to be in depression.. as for now i feel like i'm a big fish in a lil pond.. tts noth much i can do. I made it known. Everything becomes a dread, and thats what i hate. This incident just affirms my decision. at least for now... but one by one, the smiles the laughters n the apologising to resolve dissolves those unpleasant stuff. And now i'm stuck in the middle. I gave myself a week, and now maybe i shld give myself another week or 2 before i could tell. DEPRESSION.

I cannot take how things are changing. It's beyond me but its too unacceptable for me. Now i really crave that my angel will take me to the other side.. of what i think is heaven QUICKLY for current environment is turning into hell.

It's true that many of us are facing different spheres in life that may trigger many emotional upheaval.. good and bad n what not. Lets hope we all get over it soon k! HANG IN THERE PEOPLE!

treewadee & kunya!
you guys wear sunglasses at night?
ฉันอยากพบคุณ
ฉันหวังว่าคุณจะมาอยู่เคียงข้างฉัน

ฉันคิดถึงคุณมากๆ เลยครับ(: (:

2008-10-19T03:14:00.012+08:00

What a tiring saturday.

Three ppl had their bdae celebration today.. but it's not their actual bdae date. And i only managed to go for two. Ben and Sandra bdae. gosh. Two diff places, so far apart. At least i went. Sorry tat i couldn't go for Desi bdae cos e venue keep changing and i was tired to travel.

Birthday celebrations is a joy! It can get exhausting but to see the smile, to be able to spend time together, to be brought together again.. everything just feels better. I love my friends! The clicks, the weehour adventures/surprises, the many YOUs whom i treasure. Anw, thanks guys for the delicious yummy food. haha. i tink i gain 2kg?? after todae.. gosh. cant imagine how much i ate. tts crazy.

Supposed to meet SOMEONE but SOMEONE back out on appointment. If i promised to meet i definitely will la.. erm.. this tells me to plan my sat properly. argh.

Johnson and i met up in Town first(he waited with me but SOMEONE back out), before we proceeding to east coast to meet Ben, Mich and JIAHUI, who i had not seen for eons! Initially there was a huge crowd and messy. I thought we had to stand at the back, but a confident Ben went, "No la! Sure can go in front! This sorta thing, must enter from the side. Follow me!" True enough, we made it halfway. Then.. we realised, it's full-house! But Ben suggested to wait, so we waited for not long. Hmm.. a very relaxing time of chilling and laughter, in the middle of the night there. The view was great. The music was fantastic, soft, slow.. PERFECT.. and also the place was quiet, not tt theres no one but the tables/chairs were all space out. I thought it was wonderful. It was tranquility at its best. I really loved it. Most importantly, the wine is smooth, vodka mixed was jus nice(: Satisfied.

Then, on an absolute whim, Ben suggested to drive up for seafood tonight. I make sure you go bankrupt haha.

Consequences consequences and consequences. Sometimes i'm so tired abt being binded by it. maybe thats how those youths feel too. yet we can't run away from the word "responsibility".

Dumb the consequences away for the time being.. I'm running away from it.
I pray.

YANX MUMMY! COME BACK SOON(: (:

2008-10-17T02:52:00.003+08:00

I'm having a day from hell.. yes i'm.

It is like a mind-controlling disease. It makes you feel worthless and unknown. It has no mercy, whispering in your ear that at the point of time yr life is messed up. It makes you feel like you have no purpose. You want to run and hide but you know it is close behind following you no matter how hard you try to escape. It tells you lies and says nasty things to you. It makes you feel empty inside for a moment of time. It takes a part of you away so you feel incomplete. This so called disease is called depression. hais.

I feel like shit now.. hais.

2008-10-16T07:18:00.006+08:00

A GROUP OF IDIOTS.

Seriously who can be that f irritating.. except for those IDIOTS. Thanks for causing us to be in depression..WATCH IT! Anw, hang in there guys! I'm sure things will be solved soon. Don't worry bout the outcome. It's out of our control..

Ohya.. not forgetting to mention, EASB ppl are such F. They assume before asking, wth.

Whats up man lately.. so many problems occured suddenly. I pray god take all these away from me.. pls

*thanks Johnson/Mel for yr concern.
Much appreciated. And you guys make me realise who is true.. for those who know wad had happened.

2008-10-13T14:06:00.011+08:00

Dumbshit.

I'm going to score low.. really low. I stared at the paper n really felt dumb. It was so freaking tough. Plus all the notes seem TOO MUCH for me to rem them all and i was so slow in thought processing. EXREMELY SLOW LIKE A 'TORTOISE.' Not that i can't write fast, but i really have no idea what to write. And what came out, was worse than shit. The more i think of what i wrote, the more ridiculous it sounds. BIOLOGY/ANATOMY as forms of study is really NOT my forte. I'm very sure this damn course is harder den poly exams la.. freaking despressing. I should have gone to RP.

I pity the person who needs to read my paper. I hope he get so frustrated, crush it up n plsssss DON'T FAIL ME PLS. I hope the other modules will miraculously score at least 'B.' MIRACULOUSLY. Dare not expect more this sem.

It's so depressing to have ANATOMY pp on the first day. It just strewed.

3 more to go..

This is for 'YOU'

I always think such inability to control temper is bad n be the neutral party. But in this scenario.. i really can't see myself as neutral. My heart has already taken sides.. n i don't hide it. I hope YOU learnt a lesson that is essential if YOU does want to progress better on in the future. But such things are not easily learnt.

As for now... it will be difficult to gain our respect and trust.

For i totally understand how another echoed back that once the trust is breached, it is almost impossible for us to bring it back to a higher level. I just hope reputation is not sacrificed. Usually i just sleep and forget abt it. haha.. ok i won't forget everything.. cos the emotion is something that will be engraved. But i wont let it bother me. YOU are not worth my attention. I have better things to attend to. But if YOU hinders.. i might be that next volcano.

2008-10-11T00:45:00.040+08:00

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY LUKER CHUA!!!!
Body/fitness model. you shld erm... join modeling w yr smile) yr smile kills haha. you cool dude.
-11 oct

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY AMANDA CHOO!!!!
Singapore 100m and 4by100m record holder.
-10 oct

*Kunya -14 oct

Amanda tioh -14 oct (according to siao mei haha)
*Ben -18 oct
Cassandra tioh -18 oct
Desiree lim -20 oct
Russell lee -27 oct
Shihui -31 oct

Who else i left out? gosh. So many ppl having their bdae party this month.

meng,maine,me
tea loversmaine, rach(she almost died of my nonsense haha)
i told u not to challenge me.. haha

nice pic btw. (whose e cam person? haha)

why are you wearing my shirt? still smell like deep heat?

Yes Mr Johnson, i confess. I do read horoscope. haha.. i'm becoming more and more like a aunty. Thanks to you and yes i alws fight for my rights.. ALWAYS! haha

Well.. I don't take it super seriously, but neither do I brush it aside. As corny as it sounds. I do check my horoscope in the papers everyday. Though the possibility that there might be a horoscope team in the newspaper section that casually goes, "I feel.. Cancer today. Unlucky day.. watch what you say.." and happily fabricates every sign.. I guess sometimes, they do make sense.

*You better appreciate wheneva i check for you and shut up! haha

Mug mug mug. Rob the books of its knowledge. Put it under the pillow and dream it in. Burn it away and drink it down. Den puke it all out in exams. Hopefully intelligently. gosh.

2 more days to exam... I'm so distracted. I've got papers the coming mon, tue, thur and fri.. but i'm so unfocused. After all, I'm blogging! Sigh a sigh.

2008-10-06T03:54:00.063+08:00

The Law of the Garbage Truck

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.

When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.

So this was it: 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

I just can't put my feelings into words.

I thought that only happen when ur in a relationship. Now i realise.. it can happen as long as the particular situation/person matters to u.

It is enough to drive me to irrationality. uncertainty, sadness, panics. All these gushes of emotions.. so vulnerable. I'm so freaking weak. And i thought i escaped all of them haha.. i'm tyring to avoid in all ways.. but den again.. things always happen again n again in variations to remind me that i'm human. Guess the focus is not how weak we r, but how fast and well we recover from them.

Please take all these away from me. 'ALL'

Exam in one week time.. WHY AM I STILL HERE BLOGGING, I SHOULD HAVE DISAPPEARED BEHIDE THOSE MOUNTAINS OF NOTES! Especially when there's like dozens, hundreds, million, billion of facts that i need to squeeze into my minute brain. sigh. Back to ANATOMY!!!!! The never ending analysis and information.

STUDY.

2008-10-03T04:54:00.025+08:00

Opportunities.

When they all jump at u suddenly, you suddenly hope u can grab them all. And along with it comes many many responsibilities.

Sometimes i think i am dumb for subjecting myself to so many responsibilities. Sometimes, i am just weak and nod. But this time... it's something meaningful. Lets hope it does not compromise my school work and training.. for that, it's still my utmost priorities. Why do i have so many soft spots? It just compromising on myself. Oh well..

Once nod, one shall not ponder since it does not help. Just look straight and storm through all of them. Somehow it'll work out fine.

I hope.

Zeteng says:
tell me how t earn alot alot of money??
Zeteng says:
hahaha
Zeteng says:
i mean beside stocks.. wad else?
Johnson says:
thaT's easy =p
Johnson says:
hahA
Johnson says:
you need not need to marry rich guy,
Johnson says:
do not need to play stock, or even to
Zeteng says:
den wad?
Johnson says:
study hard,
Johnson says:
you just need to
Johnson says:
consider eating "a little lesser", or erm..
Johnson says:
A LOT LESSER HAHA =p
Zeteng says:
wtf
Zeteng says:
hahaha

2008-10-01T03:25:00.067+08:00

Anna Faris plays Shelly Rumer Willis plays Joanne Joanne

If you want to see a cute, feel-good movie that doesn't require a lot of thought and will leave you with a smile on your face, this is the movie to watch. (:

Anna Faris steals the show TOTALLY. Shelly, played by Anna Faris, is kicked out of the Playboy mansion and ended up homeless. By chance, she met this grp of college "uncool add ugly girls", and so she decided to shack up with them and help them. She taught them how to turn themselves into male fantasies, which she succeeded (the transformation was WOWW). Ohya, her high voice get laughs, and when she does a dead-on "Exorcist" voice by saying everyone's names in order to remember them.. gosh.. tts really really funny haha. I hate her prostitute outfit, yes i do. After all, she's a good actress tt gives you continuing reason to laugh(:

It's just silly fun. You'll laugh out loud at much of the humor. Rumer Willis plays as Joanne. She captured very much of my attention with tt metallic brace on, with designs on it!!??(stroll up and see e pic haha) Btw, she was amazing in her role, funny and of cos drop-dead gorgeous. hahaha

Go watch it...

2008-09-29T15:43:00.039+08:00

There's happy endings..
just like fairy tales,
because i know that love is all about faith and trusts. (:

It's raining now at 340pm and i'm sitting infront of my com trying to type this post and at the same time the piles of notes is right infront of me. School has been draining. Combined with the unpredictable weather like today. Man, it's such a drag. I just wanna stay home and sleep. Ohmy, my eye-bags so dark or isit blue black? hahaha.

I did not realise that my mind is degenerating and is about to hang. Hence my one word replies that seems like i don't care. Seriously, most of the time, i'm just staring at the screen like a goldfish, sleeping with my eyes open. Fingers typing whatever little words my brain managed. Which is extremely little and 1 word kind. Hence, i seem disinterested. I'm sorry, i didnt mean for it to be that way. I wanted to chat, but physical and mental exhaustion limits my capacity to do some things. I even tried watching online movies to keep my brain afresh, but it occured to me at some point in time, that my eyes was watching the movie but my brain was sleeping. once again, like a goldfish.

Sometimes i wonder how Siaomei and Amanda survive. University life already not easy with the heavy workload is enuff to kill them and there's still trngs(almost everyday), and add scolding haha.. you know who! And also must manage their time in church, family and social WOWW.. they are truly someone i admire. Yes, be determined and shut up!

2008-09-28T23:33:00.057+08:00

My fabulous weekends..

SATURDAY!

Met up with Sharon and Desi at chomp2 for dinner and after tt we went over to ice-cube for ice-cream. *Sharon, im not staring at XX.. i'm NOT! haha.. after all the talking and STARING. OHYA, someone bought a sunglass which cost $2.40? or isit $240? hmm.. not sure. haha.. I wento meet Mich, Ben and the rest @ clarke. It's hilarious and super duper fun being with them. They make me laugh like crazy(: i think it's great to have friends from all over the place and gathered together, finding our lives crossed. It's like mini to HUGE kakis gathering isn't it. A time where Ben need not reschedule n reschedule to fit everyone's timing. A time where they are all free on a saturday night, they turn up and bring someone that they are connected and close to. It becomes something of no exclusivity but only inclusiveness(: (:

It's rare to find people who are interested to venture with me, even those in the same field. After all there are fears. It is different when you hear and to be in it. Ben, Mich, Joanna and me, we tried GX-5 Xtreme Swing @ clarke. Ok.. it's the fastest most thrilling bungy i would say.. hahaha. SCREAMMMMM!!!!

SUNDAY!
Had breakfast with Judy jie and Johnson at coffeeshop near my house. I'm just sitting in my chair with eyelids that feels so heavy eating my breakfast.. exhausted from yesterday. I probably need 24 continuous hours of sleep to recuperate into my hyperactivity.

Went to meet Huilee, Shuzhen and Meiting for buffet @ my fav. Tiong Bahru place.. it was WOW. Especially the dessert.. it makes me drool.

I love them most!(:

i love this.
shuzhen,huilee
meiting,huilee
where's genesia?this is err...

Hazed determination. I need to be inspired! err.. stop partying.. gosh.. and reduce movies and stop dwelling in sweetness.. hahahaha yeah my happy endings. Oh well.. life already lack of happy endings, so why watch more show that just illustrate what we have to go through everyday right. hahaha.. escapist.

Yes i needa go study!!! Ten thousand chapters.

2008-09-26T14:27:00.101+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHINA NG!!!!(:

Celebrated Sophina birthday @ Crowne Plaza hotel. It was WOWWW. Tasty food, good atmosphere .. PERFECT. It started off with.. Ben and Bryan went off to 'toilet'. It was stupid but funny.. she didn't suspect anything, till she saw Ben cheeky grin when he got up, LOL. They returned with one HUGE BOX, 1.5kg of ice-cream cake for 6 people, tts crazy. I tink is more likely for 15? haha. The funny part was, they were each holding a covered burning candle. It was hilarious! Then they were screaming "hurry up"! The candle is burning haha. We sang for sophina and we dug in. We wanted to cake-smash on her but we decided not to because if we do tt, we gonna get scolding again hahaha. After tt, they went off to Butter Factory and i went back home cos i wasn't feeling well and i've got a damn lecture tmr): sorry people! I hope u had fun.. and u know today's F1. Ben got a room in Pan Pacific just for F1.. i tink he's too rich.. haha. See you guys again tonight (: (:

This week is the ultimate sleeping marathon. I'm sick for like the entire week since last fri and hasn't been doing much lately, not even trng. The medi makes me drowsy and lethargic. And i lost 3kg in one week, tts scary!): *Sorry classmates if i was listless. Hopefully i feel better soon. My mind has actually been whirring today. Yes, whirring like some gadget on Turbo Speed. In fact, my brain aches. Ohman.. i haven't done such intense multi-tasking in a while. Trying to complete my motivation project and at the same time trying to memorize those hardcore theory of anatomy. It took away my entire afternn. I had to collate the project together and ensure there was a flow. It's two more weeks before my term-end exams, yet i've got one movitation project undone, one critical reflection and four modules to study for): ): My brain will EXPLODE wen it's nearing. I need extra brain space for ANATOMY, anyone? It's always ANATOMY tts killing me. Ok i must stop going out and study hard.. i'm trying.

I've been thrown into a state of disarray or rather confusion.. thinking overload.. a tad sensitive.. uncertain.. and other unforeseen factors.. hais hais. I don't know either. It's just too messy. This few weeks hasn't been good for me, but i know soon i'l be fine.. yes i will.

* thanks Jing Qiong for the aloa vera drink, tho it taste a lil like glue?
* thanks Johnson for your 3 days homemade barley.

beautiful memories...

i miss my thai best frien, Kunya(:

i love you all.

2008-09-21T23:34:00.058+08:00

I don't feel good lately, especially on sat. I've a blocked nose, fever and sore throat. HATE IT. My throat felt like as though theres a lorry inside there, IT'S EXREMELY PAINFUL): I still feel lethargic):

Though i'm sick, but still i've been eating ravenously these two days. I still have my craving): I had Tiong Bahru steamboat crave, which i had to forcibly end.. before i moved to xiao long bao in Ding Tai Feng.. School hokkien mee.. and Xing Wang TEH PENG!!!! WowOoo

Met up with charmaine at ehub, we watched Mamma Mia. I give the movie 2.5 stars out of 5, cos the story line is too OVERLY DRAMATIC.. expect lots of singing, dancing, expect the unexpected, something sad turns into vibrance and energy in a second.. ok maybe i give credit on the movie musical that is simply made to entertain the crowds. A joyous and upbeat pace prevents the movie from sinking into a mellow dramatic mood, despite some of the heavier themes tt deals with such as love lost and family. BUT, u might consider watching another movie yah? haha. After that.. we went for tea break (as usual haha) and this kind person acc me to hougang for a hair cut.. so nice of you(: and we head home.

Andrew(:

Classmate Jonathan: hey, how you calculate yr max heart rate?

Classmate Kirt Soon: oh you take 220 minus (yr age) divide by 2 den mutiply by 2.. tts yr ans.

Classmate Jonathan: ok thanks!

after 5 seconds..

Classmate Jonathan: WADS UP WITH THE DIVIDE AND MUTLIPLY??!!

And we all started laughing at John(: (:

2008-09-18T17:29:00.045+08:00

Going.. going........ It's gone. Yes it has.

It hit my heart, like an arrow hitting its target and breaking upon impact.

Wento Compass Point bus stop to pass my friend some stuff and Johnson hopped out of a shuttle. I think he's Godsent haha.. and so we wento Swensens for lunch. I told him how pissed or rather upsad i'm.. but after awhile i felt so much better and optimistic after talking to him. Everytime i try not to tell him how troubled i'm but somehow he get to find out anyway. I can’t find anyone else who is so true and alws there. 24/7, just like 7-11 and even the clock hit at 4AM.
Thank you!(: As i walked home, i plugged in and felt at peace(: (:

Went home.. did abit for projects.. barely touch my notes which i thought i could today and head to school. Going for wine tasting with Ben and Mich after school in Bukit Timah. I alws wanted to go but got no time and also no one like wine.

2008-09-17T04:21:00.024+08:00

Highest Skyjump in the World, MACAU!

I give the lady 5 STARS for her braveness(: (:

Sorry, but jus ignore this post..

You seriously filled me with doubt.

I get so pissed that i couldn't go to bed. I'm so infuriated, that my blood is boiling. My blood pressure hit to MAX!!!!! What's more, only the thought of a heart attack (i've been taking in way too much junk food with all that msg, sugar and carbohydrates) which made me forcefully calm myself down.

I couldn't believe it. I really flew into a rage. I have never been so wrongly treated, so wrongly taken granted for and so utterly horrified by your words. Most of all.. i couldn't believe the absolute
lack of gratitude, instead you accused and put all the blame on him. DAMN.

GO AWAY YOU ASS!!!!!!

2008-09-15T01:14:00.009+08:00

Take a listen to this song..

Bleeding love -Leona Lewis
Extremely good MTV taken, fantastic lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-ctIC65PV0

2008-09-13T00:50:00.060+08:00

And again i make the same mistake.. TEH PENG!!! And thats why i'm blogging at this hour at 1AM, when everyone is soundly aslp. And i feel wide awake): it's worrying especially i've got class at 930am and il be out till night.. gosh.. dieeeeee

Finally this week i'm not so busy and resting more den usual, and so i'm energised.. but.. having the thought that term-end exams is nearing.. it means crisis again. Btw, i passed my anatomy practical(: thanks Ben, my treat.

Thur was such an coincidental day and i felt so bad. Judy Jie came t fetch me from sch.. Johnson came too w/o telling me.. worst still, both cars parked side by side.. they both gave me a shocked. And of cos i got on to Judy Jie's car.. for me to repay back. I met Johnson at Seng Kang and he fetched me to Paris Ris, Xing Wang for supper. I think the place is the ultimate socialisation arena with the friendly china waitress who nv fail to entertain me whenever im there and she talk non-stop(: (:

We've gone our separate ways.. our priorities have changed, we're heading our lives. As i sat in class, pondering.. i realised something. You know how at wedding dinners, everyone will think everyone will be late, so they'l be late too, and the result is that the wedding dinner always starts at least an hour after the designated time? It seems like.. is their wedding. I realised that the reason why i don't call you is that i have the idea that you are simply too busy and i don't want to be a bother to you. Hence, i don't make the effort. I guess.. if everyone thinks like me den hMm.. what a misconception.

laychi

bal,val,mich
michyou two rock!!
amanda,jess,shafiq

feizhen,siaomei, ??

2008-09-12T19:56:00.008+08:00

And yet again i assumed):

COLLECTION(:

Years of collections.. I'm gg for a beer collection soon, but is quite hard to find in Singapore.

2008-09-12T19:55:00.001+08:00

GOSH. I've got one damn frightful dream): ): ): ): i jumped up frm bed thinking it was real and the other hand, the silence of the night is extremely intimidating w the tv still on w/o sound. It's worst than those eating creatures chasing after you, not abt dying, not abt failing exam (touch wood), neither is those tough trngs, oh gosh.. but i cant say la k. It seemed so real w the repeated flashback scene in my mind.. err.. maybe it might happen w my unconsciousness or rather entangled thoughts.. This kind of best symbolises the type of human condition i'm at this point of time is HORRENDOUSLY FRIGHTENED. I was so freaked that I couldn't go to bed):

SATURDAY!!! It will be another aweeesome day filled w activities.. I guess will be 4.8 or 7.2km WARM UP @ mount faber in e morn for trng, wakeboarding w Johnson and his friends @ east coast, dinner w Laychi and the trackers/throwers/jumpers.. after that we head to our usual hangout place(:

2008-09-12T19:41:00.006+08:00

Nice thai song?

Here it is...

*sorry, just wait for my current song to finish playing first.

SIAOMEI!!! Khoon khit theung Thailand? Di-chan khit theung chan khohn rak maak maak haha..

2008-09-12T19:29:00.011+08:00

I truly enjoy their company(: (:

IT'S SCHOOL HOLIDAY!!!!!

Meet up w Ben @ national library to revise for my upcoming ANATOMY paper.. it seems like i gonna SCORE again.. ok shut up! With his help, i tink @ least i can pass?!! No other alternative): but to just REMEMBER EVERYTHING!!! Had supper w Johnson and his friends @ Jalan Kayu.. head home..

I have had academic crisis. Guess it's because of the modules i'm currently taking, out of 4, im genuinely like none): haha. Err.. actually only ANATOMY i'm suffering for. Like.. I felt the materials i'm studying, seem to be blowing things out of proportion. It seemed so.. DISTANT, i mean beside anatomy and motivation? Like who would really care abt e nutrition if u talking abt long-term right? And theres goes the reality.. I am a student. I have to study to pass my exams (YES I MUST!!!) because truly speaking, this will help me get a diploma, which will help me in getting a job, which will help me get more money, and so i can better sustain myself . Thus, no matter what, i make sure i study hard, i have to stop meeting my friends so often and slp non-stop, so i can study more. I study so much that it become a habit. I detach myself from everything else. I continue this meaningless path, just for the mere purpose of ensuring that ill be able to survive and live well. After all, in the future, i'll just be working for the sake of wage. what does wage do? It helps me get more food and shelter. Like an animal haha..

It was quite daunting, having the thought that it's coming to e end of the year, means one year older (i wish i can be twenty forever haha) and tt means i've to tink what have i been doing this whole year round.. not trying to past time. Despite the many mistakes i've made.. i've got good and memorable one too(:

2008-09-12T19:20:00.007+08:00

Had lunch w Judy jie @ Compass. Came home, took medi, slp and there goes my sat afternoon!):

Johnson sent me tis pic, which i thought was something sweet. Thanks! you make me smile for a second(: Much appreciated.

Yster trng was sucky, felt cold inbetween trng, i mean really extremely cold. Not tt im not fit but i know il falling sick): Went for dinner w my coach @ bishan.. n suddenly the memory kicks in. IT'S MEL'S FAREWELL TODAY! I've been a really really lousy frien this few days, repeatedly forgetting the stuff i needed to do, twice in a row. I realise that nowadays i cant really articulate what is my mind. Like.. it seems really clogged up. And i have to make extra effort to remember stuff, I FEEL OLD! Rushed home, get changed, flew down. Met them @ winebar. It was a commendable/memorable outing. I finally get to see all my friends after so long. I dono how! We ended up inside e club haha.. (Ben: is mel attached?) I launches into an exclamation, WHAT??? I tot ure her BF!!! Ben 100% GONE hahaha. oOps.. im not supposed to post this up haha. Well done to myself cos i din drink @ all, clear mind.

Yet again I made a silly mistake, i drank TEH PENG last night. (I seriously need to cut down on the amt of caffeine im taking everyday). I had interrupted sleep throughout the night. My eye-bags getting more n more serious each day. I'm sleep deprived BADLY, but somehow i jus cant seems t fall aslp): The stage of exhaustion hit to MAXIMUM! My brain is stagnant): I need to live a healthy lifestyle n good daily routine NOW!

*thanks lossini for yr concern.

2008-09-12T19:08:00.002+08:00

Tiredness, fuzzy mind. I'm awake at tis uneartly hour @ 3am. I jus cant seems t fall aslp nowadays. In such times, i tend to go into a thinking overload.. not the academic kind unfortunately. My attendance is getting low): but i seriously hate it wen it end @ 930PM! By the time i'm alr so sleepy and my brain aint functioning well. DAMN. I've been quite a horrid frien lately, backing out last minute on appointments and causing disappointments. Instead ask me out during weekends?

I saw this advertisement on tv talkin abt the 5c, and it reminds me abt what my classmate, Kirt Soon said. We came across tis chapter in motivation, n our lecture talked abt the 5c and i dono how it became 6? CAR, CASH, CREDIT CARD, CONDO, CLUB MEMERSHIP (?) The another C tt he wish to hv is COFFIN!!!! hahaha

2008-09-12T18:48:00.009+08:00

Wakeboarding ilove

Thanks alfredo for the ride home, beside the heavy downpour, it was just great sitting on yr fast bike. (drenched totally)

Lunch w Johnson @ his house. This freaking man ordered the viva FAMILY MEAL.. portions for FOUR. yes. i know i can eat alot but you don hv t order so much till we have to stare @ each other and luff(: irresistible desire to, so we finished up ALL. You commented something and it stays in my mind e entire afternn. I think.. that was one of the sweetest and wisest things ever said by you.ha. Kunya sent me an ultra super long email, YEAH. but den again shes drowning me w all e unreadable thai characters, n i hv to spent 35475906 hrs to figure out the email. TOUGH JOB. haha. call me instead? oct14(:

I totally forgotten abt Mel's birthday celebration. How can i. (one slap) and im supposed to go for party w Vanessa Ng, hey not tt i don rem, but jus tt im tied up in this ANATOMY class which i TOTALLY LOVELOVELOVE. I seriously gonna die for the origin and insertion part. Ok good luck to me and my practical exam is in less den two weeks time. PRAY HARD. so many events coming up.. SMU, SIM catwalk competition @ zouk. Mel's farewell (winebar) which all fits in this week. gosh. IM SERIOUSLY IN NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. Its getting boring.. tried new things, but noth seems to excite me):

Im expasperated by yr actions/moves. (you stunned me) can u stop being so uncertain? And now i realise i have become rather judgemental which have affected my actions and my thoughts. Now that i have place a label on people who are close to me as a certain chracterisitc which they might be.